Is New Love of Sandra Day O’Connor’s Husband A Good Thing?
Retired Supreme Court justice Sandra Day O’Connor’s husband has found love from another resident at his assisted living facility in Phoenix Arizona. O’Connor left her position on the Supreme court in 2005 to take care of her husband, who is suffering from Alzheimer’s disease.
This is obviously a woman who cares very much for her husband, and yet she is not upset about his new arrangement. Different people react differently to situations such as this. O’Connor is a very intelligent woman and probably has a great understanding of what this disease does to people. It is probably difficult for her to see her husband with another woman, but at the same time she is probably just happy to see him in such an improved state of mind.
It does bring up several questions:
1) Is it OK for Alzheimers patients to do things that are normally not acceptable?
2) Is this really infidelity?
3) Is this something that should be encouraged for Alzheimer’s patients?
November 14th, 2007 at 12:28 pm
I don’t think it’s infidelity at all. Her husband is probably a shell of the man she married. If that was my husband, I would be happy that he found some happiness despite the horrible disease that afflicted him.
November 30th, 2007 at 12:49 am
This happened with my husband. He introduced his ‘girlfriend’ as ‘my wife, Betty.’ I was truly happy for him, she gave him affection that I no longer could. People thought I should put a stop to it, etc., but they were both demented, I didn’t want to stop it. If you truly understand what AD does to someone’s mind, then you understand that this is not infidelity, it’s a very good thing.
December 18th, 2007 at 6:16 pm
You are very wise and understanding, Betty. My heart goes out to you because it’s so difficult to cope with a spouse’s AD, but your understanding shows what a loving person you are.
Take care of yourself,
Carol
December 31st, 2007 at 12:19 pm
I was glad that she let people know about it - I don’t think I ever thought about that until I read about it in the paper. I think that as long as her spouse is happy, it is okay.
I think it must have been painful for her at some level when it started but once you stop and understand - he is feeling love again and that is good.
Dementia must be a very lonely place - you are changing and no one you know is there with you. He found someone to love in his “new neighborhood”.
January 1st, 2008 at 6:06 pm
I completely understand the need dementia patients may still have for intimacy. Nonetheless, inspite of my instinct to approve, the stories are all from a male point of view. Are the female objects of affection truely competent to express their feelings? How can SHE say how she feels about this man and actual intimacy?
I don’t want to second guess this ad nauseum, but really. How can you know if it is rape or not? (That is, if actual intercourse occurred. ) If they just roam around holding hands and mumbling sweet nothings, I say go for it. If my Mother ended up with a STD in her nursing home, I would be irate. Are the residents all tested?
I want to think this is lovely, but I have serious reservations.