Comments on: Is New Love of Sandra Day O’Connor’s Husband A Good Thing? http://www.caregrade.com/blog/2007/11/14/is-sandra-day-oconnors-husbands-new-love-a-good-thing/ CareGrade Fri, 19 Mar 2010 21:55:58 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.5 By: BC http://www.caregrade.com/blog/2007/11/14/is-sandra-day-oconnors-husbands-new-love-a-good-thing/#comment-234 BC Tue, 01 Jan 2008 22:06:41 +0000 http://www.caregrade.com/blog/2007/11/14/is-sandra-day-oconnors-husbands-new-love-a-good-thing/#comment-234 I completely understand the need dementia patients may still have for intimacy. Nonetheless, inspite of my instinct to approve, the stories are all from a male point of view. Are the female objects of affection truely competent to express their feelings? How can SHE say how she feels about this man and actual intimacy? I don't want to second guess this ad nauseum, but really. How can you know if it is rape or not? (That is, if actual intercourse occurred. ) If they just roam around holding hands and mumbling sweet nothings, I say go for it. If my Mother ended up with a STD in her nursing home, I would be irate. Are the residents all tested? I want to think this is lovely, but I have serious reservations. I completely understand the need dementia patients may still have for intimacy. Nonetheless, inspite of my instinct to approve, the stories are all from a male point of view. Are the female objects of affection truely competent to express their feelings? How can SHE say how she feels about this man and actual intimacy?

I don’t want to second guess this ad nauseum, but really. How can you know if it is rape or not? (That is, if actual intercourse occurred. ) If they just roam around holding hands and mumbling sweet nothings, I say go for it. If my Mother ended up with a STD in her nursing home, I would be irate. Are the residents all tested?

I want to think this is lovely, but I have serious reservations.

]]> By: hippygrl52 http://www.caregrade.com/blog/2007/11/14/is-sandra-day-oconnors-husbands-new-love-a-good-thing/#comment-233 hippygrl52 Mon, 31 Dec 2007 16:19:49 +0000 http://www.caregrade.com/blog/2007/11/14/is-sandra-day-oconnors-husbands-new-love-a-good-thing/#comment-233 I was glad that she let people know about it - I don't think I ever thought about that until I read about it in the paper. I think that as long as her spouse is happy, it is okay. I think it must have been painful for her at some level when it started but once you stop and understand - he is feeling love again and that is good. Dementia must be a very lonely place - you are changing and no one you know is there with you. He found someone to love in his "new neighborhood". I was glad that she let people know about it - I don’t think I ever thought about that until I read about it in the paper. I think that as long as her spouse is happy, it is okay.

I think it must have been painful for her at some level when it started but once you stop and understand - he is feeling love again and that is good.

Dementia must be a very lonely place - you are changing and no one you know is there with you. He found someone to love in his “new neighborhood”.

]]> By: Carol Bradley Bursack http://www.caregrade.com/blog/2007/11/14/is-sandra-day-oconnors-husbands-new-love-a-good-thing/#comment-221 Carol Bradley Bursack Tue, 18 Dec 2007 22:16:38 +0000 http://www.caregrade.com/blog/2007/11/14/is-sandra-day-oconnors-husbands-new-love-a-good-thing/#comment-221 You are very wise and understanding, Betty. My heart goes out to you because it's so difficult to cope with a spouse's AD, but your understanding shows what a loving person you are. Take care of yourself, Carol You are very wise and understanding, Betty. My heart goes out to you because it’s so difficult to cope with a spouse’s AD, but your understanding shows what a loving person you are.
Take care of yourself,
Carol

]]> By: Bettyhere http://www.caregrade.com/blog/2007/11/14/is-sandra-day-oconnors-husbands-new-love-a-good-thing/#comment-198 Bettyhere Fri, 30 Nov 2007 04:49:25 +0000 http://www.caregrade.com/blog/2007/11/14/is-sandra-day-oconnors-husbands-new-love-a-good-thing/#comment-198 This happened with my husband. He introduced his 'girlfriend' as 'my wife, Betty.' I was truly happy for him, she gave him affection that I no longer could. People thought I should put a stop to it, etc., but they were both demented, I didn't want to stop it. If you truly understand what AD does to someone's mind, then you understand that this is not infidelity, it's a very good thing. This happened with my husband. He introduced his ‘girlfriend’ as ‘my wife, Betty.’ I was truly happy for him, she gave him affection that I no longer could. People thought I should put a stop to it, etc., but they were both demented, I didn’t want to stop it. If you truly understand what AD does to someone’s mind, then you understand that this is not infidelity, it’s a very good thing.

]]> By: Patti http://www.caregrade.com/blog/2007/11/14/is-sandra-day-oconnors-husbands-new-love-a-good-thing/#comment-180 Patti Wed, 14 Nov 2007 16:28:16 +0000 http://www.caregrade.com/blog/2007/11/14/is-sandra-day-oconnors-husbands-new-love-a-good-thing/#comment-180 I don't think it's infidelity at all. Her husband is probably a shell of the man she married. If that was my husband, I would be happy that he found some happiness despite the horrible disease that afflicted him. I don’t think it’s infidelity at all. Her husband is probably a shell of the man she married. If that was my husband, I would be happy that he found some happiness despite the horrible disease that afflicted him.

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