By Joce Callegari of Creative Group Consulting

How much more difficult caring for someone with dementia can be if not for family issues? So, what happened that has made it so hard to be a caregiver and deal with the family relationships?

To begin with, I think that you have to look at when you were young, what kind of caregiving did your parents do for their parents, sisters or friends? When I grew up, our family had the “elders” living with a daughter or son until they were physically too ill to have home care.

Every family seems to have one person that becomes the “one” designated caregiver. Hopefully, that person wants to be there. But in some cases today, when the family dysfunction is everywhere, when the parents were divorced and the families fractured, “when the music stopped” – whoever was closest ends up with the task of Caregiving.

I am a caregiver for my husband whose three adult children promised to help, if and when he needed it when we married 15 years ago. For 10 years, they came and stayed, eating our food, driving our cars and enjoying our hospitality when we lived in Scottsdale, AZ. But when the going got tough, the kids reverted to their old ways and the family issues that always existed reared their “ugly” heads.

I have to say I was surprised. I thought I had some “credits” in the bank for help later after many years of hosting free winter “holidays” but I never knew that they never helped care for their mother before she died. Because my husband emigrated from the UK to Canada, they never saw him doing caregiving up close and personal in their lifetime.

I had to “shut-off the bank” and put the “no vacancy sign” out as my husband needed more care and the dementia started to get serious, and I didn’t have enough capacity to be a “hostess”. Then, they slowly disappeared. One son came one week when we moved and three years later – he still tells us that is “how he helped.” A friend told me when her brother comes to watch her Mum when she goes grocery shopping for an hour or two a week, he feels he is doing “his part”.

The periods without contact got longer for us and now that we could really use help, my husband gets a call he doesn’t understand on Christmas, his birthday and maybe Father’s Day. Lately, they don’t want to hear the details of his dementia from me – it is easier. That way, they can pretend that it is my choice not to put him in a care home and my problem.

In some cases, other caregivers have told me the family issues are about greed; there is a little money coming in from pensions and social security and if “Mum lives with you, she doesn’t eat much. So, where is all the money going?”

Sometimes, it is about decisions on care; siblings want you to consult them but from personal experience, decisions become a “dance” between you and the doctors to guess what to do to slow down the dementia. With any caregiving, the learning curve causes you have to have one point of contact for dealing with decisions on care. Hopefully, you have or are a family caregiver that listens to everyone’s ideas and comes up with the best solution.

In some cases, there were family dynamics that you may not be aware of that have come into play and it has nothing to do with dementia – it is simply a lack of character or selfishness. Let’s face it, many caregivers (like me) are “baby-boomers”, hitting their own mid-life crisis and it is still “all about us.”

You can drive yourself crazy with trying to “make the family help” so my advice is to be the example to your children. If we are fortunate enough to live a long life, they will use our model to care for us.

I am satisfied with being free with from the toxic relationships they had with me and their dad. While I don’t understand how they can let the time pass without seeing and talking to their dad while he is here, I don’t have to understand. It is not my issue. I am still enjoying some quality time him.

For more information on dementia and caregiving look for Hippygirl52 at Eons www.eons.com/groups/group/Caregiver

Recent research has found that there are ways to have an individual with Alzheimer’s moved into a facility that helps maintain their cognitive abilities at their current level. Gradually transitioning the afflicted person by starting them in an adult day care center and then, once they are fully acclimated to that new surrounding, moving them into the facility seems to make the move much smoother. When a person is moved directly from their home into a facility there is a rapid cognitive decline compared to the gradual transition.

For a more detailed description, go to:
http://ezinearticles.com/?Transitioning-A-Person-With-Alzheimers—How-To-Prepare-Them-To-Move-Into-A-Facility&id=929549

Unlike their parents before them, boomers vote less along party lines and more based on the issues. Why does this happen and how can the candidates take advantage of this?

In the households of many boomers, their parents were typically democrats or republicans and usually voted strictly along party lines. Their children were obviously influenced by this; however, these same children have broken away from that type of behavior. A few reasons could be:

• Boomers have heard so many lies from politicians that they no longer believe or trust a politician just because he or she represents the party they support. Instead, boomers tend to find a candidate they can believe in who also represents what their interests are.

• Political parties tend to be dominated by the left or right, which does not necessarily represent the majority of boomers. Instead, boomers are again looking for a candidate that represents the way they look at things.

• Boomer vote with more self-interest in mind than their parents did. They tend to view entitlements and obligations on their terms. For example, they do not believe they owe the country certain obligations such as military service and paying more taxes. The candidates that address the issues that affect boomers directly are more likely to capture their vote.

Obviously, the war is a major issue. Other issues will be the economy, alternative fuel development, health care and immigration.

To read more about this subject, go to http://ezinearticles.com/?id=917340

Reversing the affects of Alzheimer’s is one of the greatest challenges modern medicine has been trying to overcome. A new article in Science Daily describes the use of anti-TNF therapeutics as a new potential treatment option. By injecting these drugs into a patient, remarkable improvements have been seen in just a few minutes. While it is not a complete reversal or cure, it may lead us down the path to creating new medicines that will provide even greater results. For more details, go to http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/01/080109091102.htm

Boomers may need to think differently when it comes to planning for their retirment. Extending life expectancy seems like a good thing, however, one of the problems is that long lived seniors may outlive their savings. A recent study has found that family members caring for an aging parent or spouse spend approximately 10 percent of their household income on this care. According to the National Alliance on Caregiving, things such as groceries and household goods, drugs and medical co-payments, and transportation are the most commonly purchased.

This means that boomers now need to think about paying for their parents in addition to themselves when they retire. To see the article in full, go to http://ezinearticles.com/?New-Considerations-When-Planning-For-Retirement&id=863386

Part II of the CareGrade interview with Carol Bradely Bursack

What is the biggest complaint you hear about finding care?

Seeking care for a loved one can be a confusing and frustrating experience. People do not know how to get the appropriate information and do not know their options. Dealing with insurance, Medicare and Medicaid can seem like a full-time job, and my result in not obtaining all the benefits that are available. Getting advice from people who have or are confronting the same issues can be helpful. Another good option is to hire

a qualified professional geriatric care manager, if one is available in your area. They can be found at www.caremanager.org. This can be especially helpful if your loved one lives out of town..

What advice do you have for our readers?

If you decide to put a loved one into a nursing home or assisted living facility, do not feel guilty about it. You are not giving up or abandoning them. You are still the caregiver, but are now getting the extra help that can benefit both of you.

If you ask most seniors where they want to be, they will almost always tell you they would prefer to stay at home. While most people are very comfortable in their homes, it may not be the best place for them. The bathrooms may be upstairs, or the house in need of repair. Unfortunately, many people still think of nursing homes and assisted living facilities as cold, uncaring institutions. This may be true of some, but today many homes offer personalized care in a comfortable, homey environment.

When considering a facility for your loved one, the most important thing to look for is how well the staff treats each other and the residents. In her book, “Old Age in a New Age: The Promise of Transformative Nursing Homes”, Beth Baker discusses the need for management to treat certified nurses aides (cna’s) with the respect they deserve. A staff is well- treated will, in turn, treat the residents well. Before deciding on a facility, visit it all times of the day and night. Observe how nurses treat cna’s, and how cna’s treat each other and the rest of the staff. That is the best clue as to how the residents will be treated.

What resources would you recommend for caregivers?

Go to websites such as mindingourelders.com, caregrade.com, alzheimers.org, Healthcentral.com, and Eldercare.gov. Eldercare.gov has the eldercare locator, a useful tool for people looking for help. Just be aware that the services found on this site have not been screened.

How do you think the internet will affect caregivers in the future?

I think the internet is great and is going to continue growing. Helpful information is available 24/7, with a growing number of quality sites, chat groups and forums. However, caregivers are very vulnerable and need to be wary of what they read and with whom they communicate. That said, the internet is a great resource that can help caregivers lose that feeling of isolation and let them know there is hope.

Carol Bradley Bursack is a columnist, speaker, blogger and author of “Minding our Elders:Caregivers Share their Personal Stories.” Her blogs can be found at www.mindingoureldersblogs.com and www.healthcentral.com/alzheimers

This is the first of a three part installment

CG: What inspired you to write your book Minding Our Elders?

CBB: I had been a caregiver for seven elders over the span of two decades, and I began to feel very isolated. In speaking with other caregivers, I realized that they also were feeling isolated. I was a writer by profession and always felt that I learned the most through stories. I began writing stories about my own experiences as a caregiver and in telling people about it, realized that they also wanted to have their stories told. The book is really a compilation of stories from many different caregivers, each with their own unique circumstances. I think that because there are so many different people other than myself involved with the stories, it touches a much broader audience. Most people can relate to one story or another.

The goal of the book and my blog is to help caregivers feel that they are not alone. The book has been described as a portable support group and my blog allows for feedback and has chat groups. Friends may offer sympathy, but they cannot truly understand unless they have been in the same situation. But by communicating with others who are dealing with the same issues, caregivers can help themselves and feel less isolated.

When I was caring for my elders, there were no internet chat or support groups through which I could communicate with other caregivers, and I felt very isolated. The computer has opened a whole new world of possibilities. We all know how difficult holidays can be, so I find it most gratifying when people tell me that with my help they were able to make it through.

Carol Bradley Bursack is a columnist, speaker, blogger and author of “Minding our Elders:Caregivers Share their Personal Stories.” Her blogs can be found at www.mindingoureldersblogs.com and www.healthcentral.com/alzheimers

The following is a list of helpful tips for seniors and their family’s. Hopefully it will make traveling during the holiday season a bit easier.

1. Call the airline in advance and ask them to have an employee escort the senior to the gate. This gets them through the screening process, can eliminate the standing by using a wheel chair if necessary and eliminates the confusion of getting to the right gate.
2. Have the airline mark the ticket Needs assistance and have a family member escort them instead of the airline employee.
3. Understand the rules of traveling post 9/11. Examples of this include reminding older travelers of the 3-1-1 rule: Each passenger is allowed to carry on as many liquid containers of 3 ounces or less as will fit in 1 zip-lock bag of the 1-quart size. One exception is that medications in their original containers are allowed as carry-on luggage, no matter what the size. Also let them know to bring valuables on the carry on instead of rolled up in a sock in their suitcase.
4. Do not lock their suitcase unless they have an approved TSA lock.
5. Ship large or heavy presents ahead of time.
6. Hire a companion through an agency to get the senior on the plane safely or even travel with the senior to and from the destination. If you are unsure of where to find such a service, call your local Office On Aging or go to websites such as caregrade.com where you can read reviews on senior care providers prior to selecting one.
7. Wear shoes that are easy to get on and off.
8. Ask to be taken to a chair to help get shoes on and off.
9. Any traveler with a pacemaker should not step through the screening gate because the machine may offset the calibration of the pacemaker. Either get a not from a physician or have a pacemaker identification card. Ask for a secondary pat-down.
10. If there is a frequency or urgency issue with using the restroom, request an isle seat close to the restroom.
11. Check current passport regulations as passports will soon be required for both domestic and international travel.
12. Make sure there is adequate time to recoup from their travel once they reach their destinations. Travel can be exhausting and seniors require a longer time to rebound.

For more detailed information, go to the articles page of our website or click here  Holiday TravelTips

Being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease is a scary thought for everyone, but the good news is if it is caught early, there are several medications that can slow down the progression of the disease, delaying the need for fulltime or nursing home care. The problem is that the earliest signs come on so slowly and are so intermittent, that most people and their families just chalk them up to getting older and live in denial that anything is really wrong.

A terrific guidebook on the subject is “Elder Rage” by eldercare advocate, Jacqueline Marcell, who cared for two parents with the debilitating disease. Her bottom-line message is the importance for everyone to understand the warning signs and to seek help immediately.

TEN WARNING SIGNS OF ALZHEIMER’S

(Reprinted with permission of the Alzheimer’s Association)

1. Memory loss

2. Difficulty performing familiar tasks

3. Problems with language

4. Disorientation of time and place

5. Poor or decreased judgment

6. Problems with abstract thinking

7. Misplacing things

8. Changes in mood or behavior

9. Changes in personality

10. Loss of initiative

If you notice any of these signs in your loved one, write them down and keep track, so you can share them with the doctor. Then, ask for a referral to a neurologist who is specialized in dementia, who will do a battery of blood, neurological, memory tests, and possibly PET scans (and rule out the many reversible dementias), so an accurate diagnosis can be obtained and appropriate treatment can be started as soon as possible.

  About Jacqueline Marcell

Jacqueline Marcell is a former television executive whose caregiving experience resulted in her first (best-selling) book “Elder Rage”, a Book-of-the-Month Club selection being considered for a feature film. Over fifty endorsements include: Hugh Downs, Regis Philbin, John Hopkins Memory Clinic, Duke University Center for Aging, and the National Adult Day Services Association who bestowed their Media Award. Marcell also hosts “Coping With Caregiving” an Internet radio program (http://www.wsRadio.com/CopingWithCaregiving) and is an International speaker on Alzheimer’s and eldercare awareness and reform. www.ElderRage.com

A Professional Care Managers View

In our ongoing series of interviews, CareGrade.com spoke with professional care manager Michele Tyson C.M.C. to find out what a professional care manager looks for in assisted living facilities.

CG - What do you, as a care manager; look for in an assisted living facility?

MT – Quality of care is my major concern. I want to know if there is a nurse available, is the placed staffed by home health aides, what are the staffing ratios.

I also look to see what levels of service are available. Do they offer special services such as secured dementia unit or dementia programs? Do they offer a higher level of care or is this a facility for higher functioning people only.

Lastly, I look to see where the facility is located. Is it close to major hospitals, doctors and shopping? Is it on a busy road or a quieter location?

CG - What problems do you most often encounter?

MT – The most common problems I see are when people are not happy with the food, or when there are care issues.

CG - What questions should a family ask when speaking with an agency and trying to make a choice?

MT - Is there a registered nurse available 24 hours per day?

How are medications handled?

What services are included in monthly fee and what additional costs do they need to be aware of?

What activities and programs are available?

Is transportation available, especially for doctors’ appointments?

Are special diets accommodated for?

CG - How long does it usually take for a person to move into a facility?

MT - If a bed is available, they should be able to get in within 24-72 hours as long as the physicals are completed and the other issues such as preparing to move are all taken care of. While a family can definitely make all the arrangement for moving into a facility by themselves, a geriatric care manager could make it easier and speed things up.

CG - What are the most difficult people to find assisted living for?

MT - Finding a facility with a secured dementia unit can be tough. There is often a waiting list for these. The other big challenge I see is finding a bed for a person with limited resources.

CG – Is there any other advice you would give a family looking for assisted living?

MT - Look early; don’t wait until there is a crisis situation where placement is absolutely necessary.

Schedule appointments to visit with several communities.

Ask if you can stay for lunch or dinner. Most communities will accommodate that without a problem